Home for the Holidays? Here Are 7 Signs of Dementia to Look for in Your Family
The holidays have a funny way of revealing things we don’t see during the rest of the year. For many families, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or another holiday gathering is the first time in months, sometimes a year or more, that everyone is under the same roof. Adult children fly in, grandkids run around the house, old stories get retold, and traditions repeat themselves.
And sometimes, in the middle of all of that familiarity, something feels… off.
- A parent repeats the same story three times in one evening.
- Mom seems overwhelmed by hosting, even though she’s always loved it.
- Dad snaps at someone for no apparent reason.
- Bills are scattered across the kitchen table, unopened.
- The stove is left on.
- Medication bottles don’t make sense.
These moments don’t always scream “dementia.” In fact, most of the time they don’t, but they do raise quiet questions that are easy to ignore once the holidays end and everyone goes back home.
As an estate planning and elder law attorney, I can tell you this: the holidays are one of the most common times families first notice signs of cognitive decline. Not because dementia suddenly appears in December, but because contrast makes problems visible. When you’re not around someone every day, changes stand out.
This article isn’t meant to diagnose anyone. Dementia diagnoses belong to doctors, not family members or lawyers. But knowing what to look for can help you decide whether it’s time to ask better questions, have difficult conversations, and start thinking about long-term care and legal planning before a crisis forces your hand.
Below are seven signs of dementia families often notice for the first time during holiday visits.
1. Memory Loss That Disrupts Normal Conversation
Everyone forgets things. Names slip. Details blur. That alone isn’t dementia. What raises concern is short-term memory loss that interferes with normal interaction.
During the holidays, this often looks like:
- Repeating the same questions or stories within a short period of time
- Forgetting conversations that happened earlier that same day
- Asking why someone is visiting, even after being told multiple times
- Forgetting that a spouse passed away or a child moved years ago
The key distinction is this: normal aging forgets details; dementia forgets context. When someone can’t retain information long enough to participate in a conversation, that’s a sign worth paying attention to.
Families often brush this off as stress or distraction. Sometimes it is. But when it’s consistent and noticeable over a few days, it deserves follow-up.
2. Difficulty Managing Holiday Tasks They’ve Always Handled
The holidays involve routines. Cooking. Decorating. Hosting. Shopping. Wrapping gifts. Paying seasonal bills. These routines become a measuring stick.
One of the clearest warning signs families notice is when a parent struggles with tasks they’ve done for decades, especially when those tasks require planning or sequencing.
Examples include:
- A parent unable to follow a familiar recipe
- Confusion about when or how to prepare a meal
- Gifts purchased twice for the same person—or not at all
- Trouble operating appliances they’ve always used
- Feeling overwhelmed by simple logistics
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about capacity. Dementia often shows up as difficulty organizing steps, prioritizing tasks, or adapting when something goes wrong. When a once-capable parent becomes visibly anxious or paralyzed by ordinary holiday responsibilities, that’s a signal worth noting.
3. Changes in Personality, Mood, or Emotional Control
This is one of the most painful signs for families, and one of the most overlooked. Dementia doesn’t just affect memory. It affects judgment, emotional regulation, and social awareness.
During holiday gatherings, families may notice:
- Increased irritability or anger
- Uncharacteristic bluntness or inappropriate comments
- Emotional outbursts that seem disproportionate
- Withdrawal from conversations or activities
- Suspicion or paranoia
A parent who was once warm and patient may now seem sharp, defensive, or distant. Loved ones often take this personally, assuming it’s about family dynamics or unresolved tension. In many cases, it’s neurological, not emotional. Personality changes are often an early sign of cognitive decline, especially when combined with memory or executive-function issues.
4. Confusion About Time, Place, or Familiar People
The holidays revolve around time. Dates. Schedules. Traditions. Dementia often interferes with a person’s ability to anchor themselves in time and place.
Families may notice:
- Confusion about what day it is or which holiday is being celebrated
- Difficulty remembering where they are or how long they’ve lived there
- Getting lost in familiar neighborhoods
- Confusion about relationships (mixing up grandchildren or in-laws)
This kind of disorientation is especially concerning when it’s persistent or escalating. A single mistake doesn’t mean much. A pattern does. Loss of orientation is often what pushes families from “something seems off” to “we need help.”
5. Poor Judgment or Unsafe Decision-Making
Holiday visits often reveal risk. You might notice:
- Expired food being served without concern
- Unsafe driving behaviors
- Falling for obvious scams or suspicious calls
- Giving away money impulsively
- Ignoring medical instructions
Judgment issues are particularly dangerous because the person affected often doesn’t recognize the risk themselves. This is also where families begin to realize that legal planning may already be overdue. If someone can no longer make safe decisions, questions about powers of attorney, health care proxies, and guardianship are no longer theoretical.
6. Trouble With Finances or Paperwork
One of the most common early signs of dementia is difficulty managing money.During holiday visits, families may see:
- Unopened mail piling up
- Missed bills or double-paid bills
- Confusion about bank accounts or balances
- Difficulty understanding simple financial explanations
This is especially important because financial mismanagement can spiral quickly, leading to missed insurance premiums, tax problems, or vulnerability to exploitation. If finances are already slipping, waiting to plan is not a neutral decision. It actively increases risk.
7. Denial, Defensiveness, or Lack of Insight
Perhaps the most challenging sign of all is when the person experiencing cognitive decline insists nothing is wrong.
They may:
- Become defensive when concerns are raised
- Blame others for mistakes
- Minimize obvious issues
- Refuse medical evaluation
This lack of insight is itself a symptom. And it’s often what causes families to delay action until a crisis forces intervention. The hard truth is this: the earlier families act, the more options they have, legally, financially, and medically.
Why the Holidays Matter More Than You Think
Once the holiday visit ends, it’s easy to rationalize what you saw. Life gets busy. Distance makes denial easier. But dementia doesn’t pause after New Year’s.
Families who act early can:
- Put legal documents in place while capacity still exists
- Protect assets from unnecessary long-term care costs
- Avoid emergency guardianship proceedings
- Create a smoother, more dignified transition if care becomes necessary
Families who wait often lose those options.
What to Do If You’re Concerned
If something didn’t feel right during your holiday visit, trust that instinct, but don’t panic. Start with:
- A conversation with siblings or other trusted family members
- Encouraging a medical evaluation
- Gathering existing legal documents
- Learning what planning options actually exist
This is exactly why we offer educational seminars and planning sessions. Not to scare families, but to give them clarity before fear and urgency take over.
Don’t Ignore What You Noticed
The holidays have a way of shining a light on reality. What you noticed matters. If you’re concerned about a parent or loved one, and you want to understand your options before a crisis, consider attending one of our upcoming estate planning and elder law seminars.
We walk through dementia planning, long-term care strategies, and the legal steps families often wish they had taken sooner. Education creates options. Waiting removes them. If the holidays raised questions, now is the time to get answers.